(Please note this is NOT a cry for help, rather a reminder to care about others, particularly care takers, before it turns into a cry for help.)

How are you doing?

A simple question. But most often spoken in a way that doesn’t really invite an answer. Often, it is said in passing.  Almost as casually as a hello. How often have you said it? How often did you want an answer?

What would happen if you took a few minutes to really ask the question?  How would that make the other person feel? Cared for? Loved? Real? Important? Seen?

It is a simple question. But it can have a huge impact. It could make someone’s day. It could save someone’s life. I know people are starved for attention. To many people go through life thinking no one cares. Go through life hoping that someone will notice them.

A lot of what we do at the center and the shelter is letting people be seen. To be known. To be heard. Most people are so caught up in their own stuff that they do not have the energy to care for others. So often, when “how are you doing?” Is asked it is just a greeting.

Care givers have to be strong. Taking care of others is hard work. It can be exhausting. I spend all day helping others. At night, I take care of my wife. I love what I do.

Most of the people I come into contact with have nowhere else to turn. In many cases, I am their only hope. One of my people reminded me: “Pastor Dan, do you know how many people wake up knowing that Pastor Dan will make their lives a little better?” I know we are making a difference. 

But what people don’t understand is that they are not the only ones who turn to me. I get all the complaints, requests, funerals, and projects. I am the one who fixes things and listens to others.

It is not uncommon to have multiple people come to me with complaints within minutes. If something is wrong or perceived to be wrong, it all comes back to me. The buck does stop with me. Sometimes, I am dealing with my own stuff.

I am often asked how I am doing. Usually in passing.  It is wonderful when someone truly asks me how I am doing. And takes the time to listen.

At times, my off reservation friends ask how they can support me. I tell them to check in on me. Friendship on the rez is hard for me. The dynamics of the relationship can get in the way. Pastors often struggle with this. We are so busy caring for others that we struggle to take care of ourselves.

So when I am asked, I promise to be honest in my answer.

God loves you, and so do I.